My favorite part of our friendship is your tits.
All she gave me for breakfast was raw toast. How can she expect me to eat raw toast?
You mean bread?
Tonight we are playing Scuba-Keg. Getting keg now. I'll explain when i get home.
Her face is stuck to the frozen jager bottle. I think shes ok with it
It was ths the worst 15 minutes of my life. . . It was like fucking a warm stick of butter.
One my way home. There was too much fog, strobe lights, and cocaine for my taste.
HOLY FUCK COMFIEST CHAIR EVER
Like "oh its Monday, gotta get wasted today!" not "oh its Monday.. Gotta go to class"
We were in his kitchen and she turned to me with a straight face and an avocado in her hand and said "Can we steal this?"
Do you think there are two dudes living in an apartment somewhere that go to the store and call it Brocery shopping?
Oh god...probably.
Let's play another riveting game of "Whose boxers are hanging on my fence?"
My roommate told me he found me naked in the shower puking and when he asked why I was naked I said "you can't wear clothes in a shower"
I found more straws in my beard this morning. Please stop doing that.
I lost my pants last night, she told me I walked into their room after leaving 5 minutes before wearing my thong.....and no pants. I have absolutely no idea where I left them.
Apparently I handcuffed myself to the dishwasher...
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