I've hooked up with three guys in my accounting class. I'm beginning to think my teacher failed me so I can start getting laid again.
he's listed in a fb relationship with a girl born in 1993. i'm too drunk to do the math on that one, but i am sober enough to know that's illegal
I woke up and found 10 txts from him. All sent at 6:30 am, and all about the muffin man.
Why am I the only one concerned that there's a dog in the movie theatre?
Tonight will bring shame to my future grandchildren.
You threw an open can of pop at me while I was lying on the floor babbling and drooling about how I need to be alone forever, me and my leaking face.
So I ripped my crotchless fishnet body suit when my drunk ass tried to crawl through the crotch to put it on.
I just washed out an empty chocolate milk bottle to take whiskey on my bike ride.
You are not an adult
I mean he did ask and he said it's cold out but i didn't realize we were that comfortable hahaha sex is one thing but borrowing a sweatshirt?
Locking that text forever.
Welcome to the single world where it seems vibrator batteries are in short supply and making a sandwich while naked at 2am is relatively normal
Are you okay?
I went home with a 38 year old guy in a kilt, do I look okay!
I feel like I beer bonged a ton of asbestos
was that the third sophomore you've banged this week?
third one in three days
My mother expressed her concerns about my drinking via a facebook message.
He's petting your head, we need to leave now.
Randomize
