yeah. pants. i need to put pants on. i didn't do that last night. big mistake
I am pretty sure I told him the clouds were earth's purest filtration system and that snow was the rarest and most delicious water in the world. My lips are burning because we ate so much.
Hey bro u need to come home now, me and andy just had a 15 minute conversation about fig newtons. f this bong
Did I show you my penis last night?
So not only did team sweden fail to particpate in any drinking game but i also found puke in my viking helmet this morning.
Speaking of roommates, Kelsey and I woke up to urine in our trash can. Neither one of us is willing to admit to it so we've come to the conclusion that someone snuck into our room in the middle of the night
the only good thing about breaking up with him while naked was that i got to make a forgetting sarah marshall reference
He brought a TOOTHBRUSH and TOOTHPASTE with us on our date..... I want to go home and forget I ever decided to be nice and go on this date in the first place...... A TOOTHBRUSH!?!?!
I'm working on finding a bottomless situation. Both pants and mimosas.
Whoever put the rooster in the elevator is my fucking hero. Who even thinks of that shit?
WHITE RUSSIAN BREAKFAST CEREAL.
So I'm texting her. How do I steer the conversation toward "I honestly would be fine never seeing you again"?
well considering the guy who just delivered my cookies had to console me as i had a mental breakdown in front of him i'd say i'm 4/10 right now, thank you
My vagina just clenched in fear
You left me a really long voicemail saying, "Hey, it's meeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeee." and then the rest is just loud laughter
Randomize
