she was so not down for the gang bang
I am at the gas station and there is a whole amish family here I'm not sure why the amish need gas but I think its worth investigating
He screamed for everyone to hide, unplugged the music, then talked to the cop. Last I saw he was high fiving him...
He's the fucking cop whisperer.
My vibrator challenges you to a duel.
As I was climbing out of the pool he slapped my ass and said 'stay golden', i don't know why but it felt right.
Somehow I got food poisoning AND alcohol poisoning in the same night. Its like everything I love is trying to kill me. I'm waiting for my tv to make its move.
Currently getting "blaow" buzzed into my pubes. How's your thursday?
CAN I EVER JUST MAKE OUT EITH SOMEONE AND NOT GET FRIEND REQUESTED BY THEM THE NEXT DAY.
Just smoked a joint with the hottest patient. God I love night shifts.
Not sure when or why this happened but I just stopped giving a shit about everything
Sorry for peeing on you and your bed last night.
i dont believe you. i want proof. if you end up at a hospital send me a pic.
I’m pretty sure I have teeth marks on my neck
I had a dream that you were telling me how good you are at parkour and legit you were doing it just like Michael Scott...
Fun fact: nipples work on touch screens. Tell your friends :)
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