New realization: eye makeup remover takes sharpie off boobs
he stole me 6 pairs of frilly undies and proclaimed "your ass looks like a 5 in those. it'll be a 10 in these bad boys". every girl needs a gay bff.
Just pulled an upper-decker at a hardware store. I believe I'm winning 8-2. It's obvious you don't shit enough in public.
Oh btw I took the eighth out of the plastic wrap so I could use it to wrap my red pepper. This can be seen as either pathetic or resourceful.
She carries a brick in her purse. I wouldn't get in a fight with her
5 am booty call.. And I went I need to gain better control of my vagina
Tell her to buy some booze and drink away her sorrows like an adult.
I'm gonna hire strippers dressed like the founding fathers.
I was convinced to buy a man thong.
But it's Armani so it's okay.
God I just out gayed myself.
this old dude from the bar is giving me a ride home in a van, his bumper sticker says " don't laugh your kids could be in here" scary world ou here
I don't think it's food poisoning, I think it's cause you cooked it over burning styrofoam
pls come tAke this super bath no romo it's just. so nice.
So my ex vomited in front of my door and passed out there
We talked about breaking up, had sex, and in the middle of said sex, talked more about breaking up- best sad day ever
I stole $10 from the guy I hooked up with last night.Not sure why but it was definitely more satisfying.
Randomize
