I've heard semen is good for your skin though, so that pimple on my chin should clear right up.
And to think..we used to do everything sober...
And your hair- I'd make sure to pee on it first.
Please tell me I did not ask the bartender how big his dick was.
sorry can't make it tonight, greg's getting back from italy. he's had two weeks of carbs and no gym; now's my chance to get myself a piece of that newly-fat, low self-esteemed ass.
cashier rang me up and said, "white people are funny." like i'm NOT the only white person to buy just lettuce & 40 glow sticks
Technically my penis started a fight tonight
We pretended the crowd cheering the Thunder's win was cheering for us while we had sex on the couch.
Yes she scared me. She had NIPPLE CLAMPS ATTACHED TO A STUN GUN.
You should know two things about me,,,1) I am highly sexual and 2) I am HIGHLY competitive so you telling me about how much sex you had with the other girl makes me say "challenge accepted"... you should hydrate.
Don't worry, I'm sure your thrusting skills are on point.
tell your brother to quit sending me his dick pics what am i going to do with them print them out and shove them up my ass???
I gave him blue balls & ate the last slice of pie so the chances of a second date are slim...
It took 5 bourbons for him to handcuff and spank me and then he cried after sex. The men that like me are so unstable.
Fuck this virus. We’re finally back on campus but the bars suck parties are banned sports are canceled we eat in our rooms and can’t fucking hangout with anyone. I’m tired of virtual classes and involuntary celibacy
OMG IKR! It’s not college unless we’re puking in a toilet wondering if we’re pregnant or just hungover!
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