ashley and jimmy are about to have sex on degrassi.... EVERYONES GETTING LAID BUT ME
I was told u were the one who could explain to me why i woke up in the running shower, still in my dress and heels
im calling her cock vulture from now on
I think my multiple attempts of taking his life, no matter how unintentional they were, has put a damper on our friendship
You found me in the back room alone eating someone else's whole birthday cake with my hands then asked me if you could join.
Bring condoms and burritos. The rest will fall into place
Just had a threesome with a hot Turkish guy and an even hotter French lawyer. This what happens when I travel alone. You have only yourself to blame for this.
I guess your brother-in-law will have his day in the sun tonight after you leave. By that, I of course, mean he's gonna suck liquor milk out your sister's tits.
We don't know where he is but he left his pants and what appears to be a tooth here so he's gotta come back sometime
You went to a drug deal in a onesie.
You got me 4 pizzas and i just saw this. I'm too drunk for this shit. I just yelled "4 pizzas holy shit!" At the pizza dude
11% beer and firearms, what could possibly go wrong?
We got kicked out of yet another strip club because your mom wanted to "show these kiddies how it's done"
Had a dream I dropped the L word and immediately threatened to kill myself
You probably shouldn't be having nightmares about expressing affection
Remember that St. Patrick's Day when I fucked your married coworker in his truck and the whole bar was chanting for you "Don't fuck Mike"?! #TheLuckOfTheIrish 🍀
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