I found the seven page love letter I had written you. I'm sorry i was so obsessed.
What do you say about some mid-afternoon anal?
you pissed in the sink and didnt realize it until it was time to wash your hands
Came to from my blackout with native american warrior facepaint on I'm too old for this shit
The facepaint not the blacking out
there is a dorito bag in my car full of my mouth blood
If I take diet pills with my edibles I'll be a perfect person
First of all you can never say anal too much. Second I now think you're a total gentleman.
Rarely has that paragraph ever been put together
guys with girlfriends don't have a leg to stand on when they get mad at you for fucking other guys
For our 1st date, he tried to schedule a rock climbing. I suggested, "how about we meet at my place and you can scale Mt. Vagina?"
wow, being home for Xmas is freaking weird on tinder. I went to high school with everyone I'm matching... The fact that this many jocks like me now is a huge ego boost from my lack of glory days.
...and I'm done. I just matched two boys I used to babysit without realizing it.
"I'm not drinking any more tonight." As I dipped my quesadilla in a shot of tequila....then eats it
Once upon a time I threw up in my own hands last night.
I woke up in my neighbors backyard with glitter on my teeth and sparklers super glued on my bra. which part was your fault?
I don’t mind that he’s uncircumcised. It’s the fact that he talks about the Bible immediately after we have sex .
I’ve got a sex swing and lube, he’s not going anywhere soon
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