I would do things to you that would get us burned at the stake if we lived in a puritan village.
some guy just asked me if water gets in a vag when girls take a bath. WTF. it's not a wind tunnel!
I'm genuinely dissapointed that we didn't make any fat chicks cry
You handed some guy a spoon you found, he yelled SPOON GAME, and then the two of you spent the next 20 minutes throwing spoons all over the kitchen.
YOU CAN'T BASE A RELATIONSHIP OFF A PENIS
I LIKE HIS TONGUE TOO.
My dad used the quotation mark gesture with his hands when he asked how my "roommate" was doing.
That may be because I drunkenly sent him a pick of you two curled up together like kittens. Two very buff kittens.
My whole house smells like Spaghetti-Os and cat litter. I think I've failed as an adult.
Tent sex on an air mattress requires balance and flexibility. Not for the faint of heart
I will buy you batman underwear babe. I'll make sure you wear them every time we have to adult.
Well waking up naked, covered in Chex mix is not how I planned to start my Wednesday if that's what you're getting at.
You challenged a dog groomer that she couldn't cut human hair ... How's the shaved head
I still have that dildo-suction bruise on my forehead and this sweater STILL smells like my Christmas Eve vomit.
The fact he has had a girlfriend for 5 years and they are trying to work it out isn’t going to stop me from sleeping with him. He said it himself you can’t cheat on someone you love...
still drunk on my way to class to give my presentation on the negative affects of alcohol on the body. hell yes.
Any who, I expect to be showered with roses apon my arrival
How about beer and nachos?
A fine substitute!
Randomize
