I woke up this morning to the buzzer on my oven going off... I cooked fish sticks at 425 degrees for 5 hours last night. my house smells awesome
We each get one free throw up cleaning, no questions asked.
Dude if it is possible to orgasm from shitting i think it just happened.
Learn some fucking English or leave me alone! "Your" is for something that belongs to you, like 'your herpes'. And "you're" is a contraction for "you are", like "you're not sleeping with me".
you called me at 4 am to tell me you found the cracker barrel location where we'll have lunch next week
She definitely pulled a diaper out of her purse and cleaned up the vodka with it, where do you meet these people?!
We had sex in the tent after his 6th beer and while we were at it we had conversations with the people outside the tent.
accidentally stumbled into a construction site at 3am on the way home. The bulldozer was locked so we had to settle for rerouting traffic with all the orange cones...
Until she magically finds a brain, I'm going to be a dick. Fair trade. She's a idiot, I'm an ass.
The only thing keeping me calm right now is pretending to chop off everyone's heads when using the paper cutter
Okay, I just got to our real hotel and the YMCA may have been a better choice. A man w/ no shirt on
There's a whistle here and I just want to play my whistle song on it.
My mom legitimately hired a private eye on me. DO YOU KNOW HOW EXCITING MY LIFE JUST GOT???
It is like...the most transformative hard on I have ever had.
Wow first he impregnates you then he won't send you the sex tape you made together? Where has chivalry gone?
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