I want to stick my p in your. b.
I don't usually arrange sex via text message
I wish they made helmets for livers.
I got 70 on my final, or put differently, I got a "still graduating" on my final.
At a party. It smells like teen pregnancy and sadness in here.
Yeah. Let's save our goodbyes for when I'm obnoxiously and embarrassingly drunk and more than likely naked.
Please say a prayer for the elevator people at work today. My farts are significantly more potent the day after hitting that korean place for lunch...
You said you'd make me a thank you card for taking care of your drunk ass. I'll be expecting that monday.
Other than my penis smelling like an ashtray, it went really well.
i have to vacuum my washing machine now, asshole
Look I'm sorry I stuffed your wife's bouquet toss but I won't have that weak shit in my house.
I just want to sing to him and rub baby oil on his head
I just turned down a booty call because I'm having a Star Wars movie marathon
He was simultaneously rubbing my shoulders and fucking me. I'm keeping him.
I woke up on a different floor than I went to sleep on. Can't find my shoes.
Randomize
