I just farted. And everybody around me is looking at the fat girl to my left. I win.
I've been here 20 minutes and some creepy old man told me he wanted to know what my insides felt like. I hate gay bars.
At one point I was double fisting both beer & ice cream. I love public events in this town.
my mom used to put diet coke in my bottle. i can pretty much handle anything.
Drunk tip #47: Its better to overestimate how many plastic bottles itll take to urinate in, rather then underestimate.
...and all my boxers are outside in the snow because????
So im on with some ukrainian stripper for a vodka tasting tomorrow. If I die tell my family im awesome
I walked in on her just letting her nose bleed into her friend's hands
We still on for coffee?
Cream and sugar. Deliver to planned parenthood in 45.
I'm tired and starving, and I'm pretty sure I just cost the company 33,000 dollars...fuck you and you're "you'll love going to work high" nonsense.
Also this guy in my contact as hairy jerry sent me a pic of him shirtless and said I miss you and I have no idea who he is /when or if I met him but that's not normal?!
In Punta Cana for my bachelor trip, hopefully tomorrow my passport is blacklisted
I keep finding Kraft singles in his pockets. Honestly, this is the weirdest family I've ever worked for.
2 weeks into this dating someone with money thing and I already don't know if I can go back to the being poor life
this strobe light makes my body turn on and off
Randomize
