i'm almost one hundred percent positive that i have a warrant out for my arrest in this city. i also don't give a fuck because im drinking TEQUILAAAA
at a bar and heard one girl tell another her tampon string was showing she goes i dont want it in anymore anyways. then proceeds to pull out her tampon in the middle of the bar and leave it on a plate. ewwww
he asked me to smell his eyeballs.
Yeah I'm a responsible adult man but I legally unbind myself from anything that occurred that evening and am in no way responsible for those actions.
Just came during my obgyn appt. I need to get laid.
we're stoned watching those roller coaster simulators w our hands up screaming on our couch
wearing the bible to the ABC party, thought you'd appreciate that.
Hungover in church. I can feel stained glass Jesus judging me.
YOU TRIED TO SWIM IN HER FISHTANK. I don't think she's going to call you.
I decided not to look up the nudes, because I believe that there is a line, and that mocking my old classmate's horrid nudes alone crosses that line.
Had an orgasm and got a charley horse at the same time. It was a multi-purpose scream.
I figured if he was OK cheating on his gf with a guy, he'd be OK with me posting his number to m4m Craigslist Ads
Dave is getting a lap dance to the venga boys
this is not a drill
Really I don't care what we're doing or watching. Your penis spends way too much time outside of my body.
You took all of your clothes off and tried to seduce me and while trying to seduce me you decided you were too drunk and passed out.
Randomize
