I may just buy something cuz i have 6 weddings in the next year and a half.
Holy shittt I don't even have a bf
So i told my advisor i had to drop the class bc the prof said "supposably" and "irregardless" within the 1st 10 minutes of the 1st class; she agreed with me that dropping it was the best choice
at least he left the skimmer on the side of the pool so i could fish out my thong in the morning
Nada. Shooting off confetti and wanted to see I'd u could see it from ur house.
Wow. Its not even 11am.
To put it in a frame of reference with which you're familiar, it was like making out with a golden retriever.
You better not fucking die before we have sex while you blow fire. I'm serious. Don't mess up my sexual bucket list.
Well I will be attending the wedding with a flask of wine, potentially with a straw, and POM POMS for cheering purposes. Needless to say I will be well lubricated by your arrival..
Found a girl that was gonna make out with 25 people for her 25th birthday. I was like #12. Made top half!
So he's compensating for a really small penis. Either that or he's a drug lord.
I drank beer out of some sort of animal horn all night, then we fucked to a "viking metal" album. I feel like I should go pillage something to complete the Norse trifecta.
I just realized now that you're pregnant we can't use alcohol as currency
You should help rebuild my confidence with your dick. Altruism: Pass it on.
of all the things that should kill me, scurvy wont be one of them
Someone took a shit in the house somewhere and I STILL can't find it. I'm just going to move.
The girls said some drunk guy in footie pajamas was asking for me when they opened the doors. I thought we agreed you were gonna stay home and microwave me some bacon.
Randomize
