On friday while at the hotel bar by myself (creepy) I made friends w/ a millionaire who said he may be running for the position of mayor in richmond va (likely a lie). At one point during our discourse he asked if I was crazy. In the effort of full disclosure I looked him in the eye and said yes
I don't know what prompted his inquiry, clearly this man had impeccable intuition
My carpet still smells like piss and I THINK YOU KNOW WHY.
And i laid in the yard with carrots on my chest cause i wanted a bunny
He came in asked for the bathroom and came out 10 minutes later dripping wet took his redbull and left.
You've got the short couch unless you find some girl to take you home
Challenge accepted.
Can I get a "hallelujah" for railing my pastors daughter last night?
how sketchy is it to eat a candy wrapped in masking tape from reggae night? because we totally just split it...
Given he decided my interview was a date, showed up drunk and insisted on carrying me everywhere, we weren't off to a good start.
Wearing a shark mask, slugging tequilla, in cowboy boots, and not minding that my spandex is on backwards. What are you up to?
Hooked up with a guy dressed as Miss Frizzle last night... Asked if I could ride his Magic School Bus
Beat the bartender in a shot challenge for a free tab. I won that, and him. I never get tired of the "this is my first time with a guy.." bullshit.
How do you even...
The magic of Christmas. And whiskey, of course.
Just walked by the barren window naked in a family neighborhood. Who needs dignity.
"suitors" is just a nice way of her saying "the guys i'm fucking"
Woke up with a $100 bill from the Philippines in my bra & an unopened box of sour patch kids next to me. I have some questions.
I swear my vagina needs to be taken away from me when I drink.
Randomize
