I just went through her cupboards. Eye patch and sword. nowhere near each other. different shelfs.
if we break up, blackout me is coming back, making out with everything in sight
Sorry I pulled the thermostat off the wall..
I'm sorry I ignored your high cries for help while you were grating cheese on my dog.
Bathroom attendant appreciated that hug I have him as a tip. Fucking BROKE these days.
Used my phone to vibrate 'eye of the tiger'. It's like Rocky is punching my nuts, but gently.
Based on the fact my iPad is covered in pizza, I'm going to assume I ate pizza last night
His pick-up lines are quotes from Doctor Who. Of course I fucked him.
I was driving around a golf cart with a keg in the back before I got caught by the cops. First slow speed chase ever
When she saw "buy condoms" on my to do list she figured out pretty quick we were breaking up.
Do you ever get high and look at your cat and feel like you know them on an intellectual level?
So we decided we're going to stop having sex...except for tonight. And probably tomorrow.
being broke is really keeping my alcoholism in check
hey, i didnt think i could be this stupid either but you dont see ME getting all judgemental about it
If he isn’t into CosPlay he will be after tonight. That naughty nurse outfit heals broken hearts
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