he texted me telling him i gave him the clap. but i think he gave it to me and i gave it back to him
this morning my mom told me to get a new vibrator because mine was too loud last night
i fell asleep watchin iron chef that was the blender she heard. i dont even own a vibrator
afterwards we were spooning and he said he wished he was a kangaroo so he cold put me in his pouch and keep me forever. I left as soon as he was asleep.
tell me how a rose bowl party involves waking up to find a raccoon in my kitchen cabinet eating my oreos the next morning?
Canada: barely better than America at a sport they invented.
I just puked while everyone was releasing balloons. Im to hungover for this memoial service. Rest in peace great gramps.
Meet me at the corner of "what the fuck" and"how'd you get in my bed" in 10 minutes.
All i'm saying is it doesn't matter how drunk you were, at 26 years of age you should always remember to take down you pants before you shit in the toilet
I love being high. The owl outside stopped who-ing and I could swear I just heard someone say, "Okay, that's a wrap!"
Call it slutty but I take pride in being a first round draft pick booty call. And I know I was first cause he texted me at 1030a
So I told him "To answer your question yes I am naked making pizza pops in your kitchen"
Next time you decide to go downstairs hungover, please warn me. I now have to explain to twenty eight year olds why you were naked.
If there's a nuclear war you can come over. I'll feed you soup and you can rig up car batteries to power the coffee pot and toaster. We can grow tomatoes and chickens.
he just asked me that if he was a penguin and I was a penguin if I would fuck him
sober me needs to have more faith in drunk me.
Randomize
