She just sent me a txt where every word ended in "zzz", with about a hundred "!!!" and called herself "juicezzz". I need back up.
i keep telling myself in the mirror "get undrunk"
bang him and never speak to him again. also, queef in his face.
i dont this its possible to queef on command.
Do you think my job would send me for a second drug test if i took a whole pumpkin pie to work for lunch tomorrow?
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I still can't believe he turned down that threesome with us in central park. He must be really committed.
Blow job bear ended up in my bed last night. She didn't live up to her costume.
On second thought, is it weird that I scheduled a surgery that determines my fertility around lingerie football night? I might have fucked up priorities.
Absolutely not. I would have done the exact same thing.
I accidentally called my professor daddy...and I think he liked it. Help, I'm scared.
I put a zucchini in my pussy for you
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Sigh. I haven't seen a dick since August 22nd. And in case you forgot, it's January.
Not to play devil's advocate, but, considering how our species has evolved so far... I'm kinda rooting for the sun on the whole heat death thing.
Also lets pinky promise right now that we will NOT play "Pony" outside of each other's rooms if we have a hook up over
2016 shall be rememered as the year I sharted while putting up the Christmas tree.
Love that I’m sending my uber driver a thank you message for taking me home via mcdonalds tonight before I’m messaging my date from tonight! Lol
We were playing fuck marry kill and he was eavesdropping so I said I would fuck him
It was like catching dick in a barrel
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