This smoking ban is really fucking with my ability to fart in public
I'm cheering for the colts this year. I basically have to since my fake says i'm from indianapolis
I bet they don't have a scenario slide on how to deal with a suggested three way with counsel during harassment training.
This place doesnt have redbull or serve shots. Its like they are at war with fun.
Two penises later: I might be straighter than I think.
I have to think about this realistically and not with my vagina.
we got 12 live crabs and then we got really stoned and know we're playing with the crabs. thats nom watermellon nom. now i'm plaing with a crap whos such a gentleman
... They left for 10 minutes and came back with a lobster he's in the toilet downstairs
I had to explain to my dentist that my tooth was chipped because we designated my mouth as the official way to open beer. I feel like our level of partying is no longer socially acceptable.
We see some guy emerge from the forest on the island this morning, alone, in only a snuggie. Morning shots and bagels on us for the number one walk of shame.
Besides. I don't even really like sex because it feels great. I like it because for thirty minutes I own that guys ass.
I'm pretty sure my intestines are bleeding but I'm still going to Orlando to catch that orgasm.
Who am I kidding? With my track record, I'm going to end up sleeping at the strip club with just nipple tassels on.
He drank an entire six pack, past out on the guest bed, woke up around 4AM, lifted & dropped my leg, then peed on the corner of the bed. When I told him where he was pissing he said "it's all the same babe."
I just found a contact in my phone named "Nick from The Party". Who's nick?
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