ur dog is so gonna tell on us one day.
for doing what?
for smoking bowls out on the deck while your parents aren't home.
I blew a .224 after sleeping for 6 hrs, cleary im a champion
Update from family reunion: my aunt Janet once got her legs stuck behind her head. The fire department had to be called.
I know I am usually the slut but tonight it's her. She is being a slut, yes slut, T as in Tomorrow, U as in Uterus, L as in Llama and S as in Sangria. That spells slut, but backwards and that's what she is being.
Well, at first I was really confused. But then I realized that he was talking from his penis's perspective... in third person.
To the person who left a cup of vomit in the bathroom: I commend you for your aim but you are dead to me- not an ideal birthday present.
well.. I tried flushing my sandals down the toilet
Can I get a "hallelujah" for railing my pastors daughter last night?
You rolled around on the floor, yelled about being a "half-zombie" and bit that guy on the leg who was hitting on me.
No one likes a giant penis on their phone screen. I mean cmon. I'm a lady.
when you come home i just want to let you know we are cats now. and we are out of eggs.
I DESERVE A BEADED TATTOOED MAN I'VE WANTED ONE FOR SO LONG
BEARDED TATTOOED MEN ARE PEOPLE AND NOT THINGS TO BE GIVEN FREELY
Were you citizens arresting people again last night?
I fucked your neighbor. Welcome to the new apartment!
Damn, I just did coke with a dude in a bathroom and after he took his dick out right in front of me and took a piss. What a power move.
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