Holy jesus god. My teeth taste like street.
my sex list reads like a who's who of mcdonald's general managers
she passed on me to fuck the foreign guy. is there a manlier, slightly less gay way of saying "always the bridesmaid, never the bride"?
nope.
sorry we overslept. have a good day at work. p.s. thanks for making it feel like my vagina got hit by a train.
Currently coming up with judgment, the game. Works well on buses, will probably be more entertaining in bars.
I would like to apologize for my MANY attempts of trying to motor boat you.
Dude the tree smoked with me. I planted the roach with it and smiled.
Girl in my public speaking class just gave a speech on weaves, God I love community college
I found a door knob in my purse this morning, I hope whoever it belonged to doesn't need it today.
hahahah
It's 4/20 and I spent the morning in the gym and am working later tonight. I don't even have any weed. Why am I adult-ing again?
Well I'm sorry I assumed you were a human and that humans have the capability to forget sometimes.
Sorry, i'm on a strict diet of vodka and regret
The cards I get dealt on tinder now are karma for fucking a married man while I was in high school.
is caitlin alive?
ya she's alive she's watching a movie
ok remind her she drank toilet water then.
He had a tattoo of the Batman logo around his asshole. I noped right the hell out of there.
Randomize
