My friend's 9-year-old son just informed me that for a cop station, you can't use a shotgun; you have to use a machine gun. Thank you, Grand Theft Auto, for single-handedly corrupting our youth.
his name is not nearly as fun as i thought to yell out in bed
Any questions about why there was a scuba tank chilling in the hot tub this morning?
The cop refused to sing with us, even though he was as happy as we were that the tow truck finally showed up.
Nm. Exausted and my teeth just fell out again
I had to wash my hair with conditioner because my sister got hammered and gave the dog a 3am sprinkler bath with my shampoo.
I think the solution to your phobia is an open relationship with your dildo. about the same responsibility as a pet rock
Although I feel like awkward kinda describes your entire sexual history...
don't act like you've never hung your towel on your dick after getting out of the shower
You know what I realized today? That my biggest regret of freshman year was ditching you and that foam party to have a one night stand with a skinny jean wearing vocal major.
I am concerned for your priorities but also really flattered. Flattery wins
A million fucking miles away, and the sun still manages to fuck my hungover mornings up.
I just destroyed that poor boy. Picked him up and put him wherever I wanted, it was like the Pride version of Elf on a Shelf.
Good morning! Spongebob is on channel 257 when you wake up. Help yourself to breakfast. You were great last night. See you when I get back.
Blueberry probiotics greatly increase to the masturbation experience. Try it dude. It’s all the rage
its so awesome dude, its like im a magical unicorn or something
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