Woke up to a denim duvet cover this morning... why r guys so tacky?
there was a 40 knocked over. chips and salsa all over the floor. and she was in her thong doing boot camp on demand in the middle of the room..
At least he's not married... I hate Halloween hookups
As a female I reserve the right to put my ipod in my cleavage because I have no pockets and not get judged by other girls right??
I was trying to be a bartender for my boyfriend and his friends last night, but I was too drunk so I just kept bringing them ice cubes in my hand.
I've got beer and a bag of saltwater taffy and croutons, is that enough for this typhoon thing?
I feel like I was dropped out of a helicopter. Through the propeller.
Oh dude I know. When something that's supposed stop pregnancies taste like chocolate something's up
The night before doing drugs with your bro is like Christmas Eve that made love to thanksgiving that made love a virgin.
All I can think of is a mama duck followed by her baby ducks, in brightly colored track shoes.
How high are you?
You should just skip the small talk from now on and instead say something like "You need to come slay the dragon, be here in 15?"
I want to be "performing a disservice to society by actually wearing clothes in public" hot.
Well.. If you trust a test that only costs a dollar, I'm not pregnant
I wish I had a clear image of the dude who was sucking on my tit outside the bar last night
She had a baby Jesus butt plug
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