ur plase or mine? lol
well if you don't learn how to spell, you may be at your place and I'll be at mine.
the only reason i even kissed her was because we were having sex when it midnight, and i heard people yelling "happy new year."
Before we started fucking, he laid me on the bed, and asked my what my sleep number was, so that i would be "comfy"
this is probably the only time in my life that i would want to fuck thomas jefferson
That girl gave me her number because you were arrested. I am so proud of you dude.
I'm going to make a mold of my tits to bake a cake for him for our anniversary.. I can see the pride in his eyes now.
So I was about the only one NOT pregaming or stoned at my aunt's funeral... Maybe thats why I'm the black sheep.
You better be Eskimo Brother-ing the FUCK out of tonight right now. Long distance 'balls deep' high five
Just came to the realization that what I thought were orgasms were just lightheadedness from hyperventilation. My entire sex life is a lie.
I just tried to roll over and fell off the bed. I think that is the beds way of kicking me out
Captain and coke. And it's not drinking alone cuz i have a dog
That's true because who the fuck doesn't love Harry Potter and beer
Okay, I just reached peak living alone
I ate a piece of chocolate cake while jerking off
Well, you started screaming "I dont know you GO AWAY" to your mom when she was holding your hair as you threw up in her garden.
hurry up. it's a friday night and i'm drinking in my office by myself. wearing a stewie griffin costume. the cleaning lady is judging me.
Randomize
