The mall is playing a fucking country mix of lady marmalade.
welcome to maine.
it was the least impressive dick i've ever seen... and i've changed babies' diapers.
Why did I wake up this morning with 10 tally marks on my hand and a penis drawn on my tits?
New drink name: the Vermont Douchebag. Take shot of maple syrup, drop into cup of jager, bomb.
He just kept telling me how to do certain things. It was like I was fucking my sex ed teacher
My roommate threw his shoe through our window and I came out of my blackout kicking holes in my wall. Pretty sure Edward 80 Hands won't be happening anymore.
Your text makes more sense read in reverse.
My gut feeling that we had reached a new level of intimacy last night was confirmed early this morning when you sleep farted on penis.
We smoked before the sunrise hike. I ended up eating a banana and singing Circle of Life as the sun rose over the horizon.
He? As in you personified your dick?
*goes to show prof a picture* *forgets tit pic is in camera roll*
I know that whole thing was awkward. Not worth the piece of cake.
so i find a box of condoms inside my car with turn by turn directions to her bedroom... kinda freaked out cause she got my address and somehow inside my car
You had blacked out Skype sex? Wow we live in the future
Ahhh, beer. My second favorite breakfast drink.
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