Drunk man just did a hand stand, fell over, knocked over a whole table of desserts, and didnt lose his cowboy hat. winner.
Just bought a german beer stein with tuition cash. no regrets
i just opened up my bathroom cabinet to get deodorant and found 4 bottles of natty. Its like the world wants me to miss this interview
Lauren she was gnawing on a dresser. Gnawing. On. A. Dresser.
all i care about is the story behind my toaster ending up in the microwave
The 9th floor RA wants to know why we stacked 21 cinder blocks in the shower, and I can't remember. Do you?
Oh, I'm just lighting tennis balls and WD-40 on fire, what are YOUUU doing?!
You have to keep an eye on her tonight cause you know how she likes to pickpocket people when she's drunk.
I believe nudity is frowned upon at that establishment
So, I'm tripsitting Ruben cause he's on LSD, and he's starting to eat the chair because 'it is evil' according to him... I can't choose: should I stop him or film it?
Just turned down sex because it's a holy day of obligation, my mom would be proud.
I also have to vacuum the broken noodles out of my suitcase...
is there a line between daddy kink and oedipus complex?
I am the Angelina Jolie to his Billy Bob Thorton. We just don't work.
The last thing I remember was them slipping shots into my beer bong, and me being happy about it
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