Doo rag and shades in the bar. You are missing your future husband.
You ran away and I found you three blocks later lying by a dumpster because "that's where your life belongs"
What's the name of that girl you hooked up with? The one that looks like the fire hose sign.
you never know when you'll meet the man of your dreams and bang him in an elevator
Drinking mikes hard & watching the swan princess. i fucking LOVE college
We drank a $4 handle of tequila until 5 am. Please think about that.
It's one thing to send dick shots. It's a whole other thing to send unimpressive dick shots while wearing crocs.
Ask if he wants his tooth back. It's in the freezer. In the box of hotpockets.
Half of elefante. Gelafin galaxy
They don't allow McDonald's in the ER. Go figure
I started scrolling back in our texts looking for context and a picture of your dick rose like the Great Pumpkin in the middle of my screen.
I was told to keep my leg elevated. I assume it means to keep my legs on the air, it's like I was prescribed to be slutty
Sorry, I thought I responded to your question. My name is Jon, we kinda had a sleepover at your friends place in OC. Don't know if you remember me, you were "dick chugging" like there was no tomorrow last night.
Looks like a sea otter shaved my vagina. Keep an eye out for me this weekend, no one can see this.
I. Love. Skype. Sex.
I think it's just been too long since actual dick has been inside you that you only THINK you love skype sex
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