you told everyone your name was brenda and you had the whole party chanting b-dawgg by the end of the night. successful.
There was a lot of him and a little penis
yeah after seeing those pics of her puking into my underwear drawer i remembered again why i didn't want to invite her.
you didn't check your sock drawer yet did you
YOU CAN RENT MIDGETS ON CRAIGS LIST
I told you not to ruin your birthday surprise!
Because if not I was going to quote Ryan Lochte as punishment
Thank god I got my shit together
The acoustics in my bra are fantastic.
I ended up in a bathroom giving my hymen a pep talk
Last night I said "I'm so glad you broke up with your lesbian soccer mom girlfriend" I don't remember how he reacted I just remember trying to pee in the woods
He told me he was married and then fingered me on the kitchen counter. It was awkward to explaining the broken toaster to my roommates this morning...
It was dumb but not something to force me into sobriety
I'm taking the day off so I can get drunk at Whole Foods before noon
I broke a rule
Which One?!
The one where I shouldn't sleep with your friends. I broke this particular rule 4 times.
You're officially the worst brother ever.
Last night I made out with two lesbians while dancing with another girl. I'm pretty sure it wasn't even real life.
i think i puked but i couldve been a dream and i may have madeout with a 20 something guy infront of my managers...also possible dream.
Howd last night go?
well he stumbled in my parents door drunk and then asked my mom if she was my grandma. Id say as far as first impressions go, he failed miserably
Randomize
