Dude, I couldnt get it up cause she said her parents were home...
ok, come over...I have doritos
You never realize just how much you have to be thankful for until you almost shit yourself in a Target.
you want my honest opinion? I'm sure refering to her vagina as the "bat cave" was your first mistake.
Someone changed my text signature to "Also, I think I might be gay" last night. Also, I think I might be gay
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm crying, drinking alone and applying for jobs tonight. I figure the alcohol will lower my job standards.
I'm lying topless with an eye infection at the foot of my bed with a dog between my legs. With disney in the background. Its one of those 3 am moments
he may be homeless but his dick however is not... anymore.
we were the definition of too high: argued for 10 minutes about who was gonna get the condom (it was 2 feet away on the night stand) and past out watching adventure time.
I found your dog. Now we are bros, so he is staying. Don't call, don't make it weird.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
the people next to us at the red light cheered for you while you puked out the window...
Don't go to jail over some guy named Bunky
His front door was open but I INSISTED on army crawling FOOT FIRST under the garage door. Then I peed the bed.
You hit your head and proceeded to fall in the floor, curl up in my lap and make me rock you like a small infant. I was beginning to worry until you started to sing "Rock me momma like a wagon wheel".
My mum just told me to stop being so pathetic and just find someone to have sex with, even if I don't like them, just be grateful for the sex. Wow.
it’s my vagina i can do what i want to
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