she pooped in my shower. pooped. woke me up and said she thought she farted but it wasnt a fart i went back 2 sleep and found it hours later. no longer hooking up w chicks my moms age.
chastity bono is officially a man...and has a really hot girlfriend...life doesn't make sense
Hahaha. I am actually really tight for having a kid. Like really really tight.
The family from the blindsided came and talked to us last night. The dad owns 68 taco bells. You would have been so inspired
I was relieved after I found the unopened condom in my pocket. Then I found the open one in the other pocket..
I like my landing strip. Makes me feel sophisticated.
What you did last night can never be called sophisticated. I don't care how you trim your pubes.
Gravity stopped and i'm discussing Greek philosophy with two guys I don't know. There's someone asleep on me. We need to use their dealer.
She started howling at the moon. That was pretty much the deal breaker.
You chucked an empty vodka bottle against the wall and yelled "Everyone calm the fuck down, it's just the cops." After 10 seconds of silence I looked over and saw you pissing their fountain.
I think that's why god made me a woman. Bc it's harder to slap people in the face with a vagina.
I mean, as I was vomiting in front of a giant crucifix I became acutely aware of my poor choices
Also, I have your check. Also, still wanna drop acid?
Hmmm... I thought we agreed as a group we make our last stand in Philly...
I don't wanna go out like that. Covered in melted cheese smelling like a sewer rat...
Drunk purchased a negligee, plan b, keds and Himalayan salt shot glasses.. there’s only one reasonable purchase there, and we both know it’s not the sneakers
was that you i just saw walking down the street in only one heel smoking a cig yelling "hello sexuals" to everyone who passed??
HELLLLLO SEXUAL BEING
Randomize
