Now hope fervently that she'll do it quick and cheap, just the way i like it
Dear tim. Christina farted and it smells like kid roses.
After going down on me he either said "there, it's over" or "there's an odor"... I couldn't hear him and was too embarrassed to ask him to repeat himself. I just got dressed, grabbed my bag, and left. So I don't think there's gunna be a second date. =(
His sex texting was like a step by step guide to the most boring sex ever...
Wait time out. Did I start last night with pants?
From russia with love. But also with chlamydia.
I woke up in a trash can. Please dude. I don't know what I did to you last night, but I'm sorry. Epically sorry. Please call me back. Please.
In hindsight combining orgy Thursday with mystery drink madness was begging for failure
Please come quick there are people in suits here judging me
I did my walk of shame through a safeway at 8am to get YOUR hangover bagels. You're welcome asshole
You can't just take out your bong for hits in public places... That's what pipes are for. You've got to be stealthier.
No, it's okay because this is the city of trees.
YOU'VE ALREADY BEEN BUSTED MORE THAN ONCE. THAT'S NOT A VALID EXCUSE FOR BONG HITS IN COFFEE GARDEN
Ok despite the fact that both you and I love dick we could have a great marriage
Successfully defrauded the county government. What have you done today?
If you recall, I made a Zoolander reference almost immediately after you pulled out of me the first time we had sex.
Is it ok to bone a former patient who is also a client? Since it is two negatives does that cancel and become a positive?
Randomize
