Who wants to bang the sort of girl you can get with Axe body spray??
dad just smoked me out. he's yelling at room service for not giving him cookies and milk with his towels...we're both too high to know if thats a legit complaint.
She was touching herself and looking a shoes online. My debt is bad enough without bringing that hot mess into my life.
You need a twittervention. You're better than this.
Just to update you. I am dead. So your probably gonna have to find a new roommate
your ability to divide cases of beer among any given group of people equally was missed.
You came running into my room at 4 in the morning yelling "SANCTUARY!" and flung yourself into bed.
Hmmm, sounds like a Jaeger night then. Did I at least get to be the little spoon?
Just keep in mind that she didn't start telling you you had the largest penis she had ever seen until AFTER she found out about your multi-million-dollar trust fund.
Brah, we should get a "do not disturb sign"... I can't have people knocking on the door while I'm high, it fucks with me way too much.
Well the streak is over, I saw a penis today
Now you can NEVER tell anyone that on thanksgiving I took a selfie of my pussy to prove they don't get worse with babies.
I called him the wrong name all night, yet I still got a ride home from the party and hooked up with the guy. I'm irresistible.
I have betrayed my no carb ways & I can feel it.
Embrace it. Come over to the dark side. I'll feed you muffins while stroking your hair.
Our sex sesh was interrupted by a bunch of hobos fighting outside his apartment.
He sided with his father, so I slashed his tires. I’d say that’s a fair trade.
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