You deserve yourself a blunt and a build a bear.
ugh the "ive seen you naked on the internet" look is really getting tiring
He screamed "Oh boy! Oh boy!" during climax.
wanna hang out tonight and remember it?
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just found gum connecting my sunglasses to my floor board. you don't want to know where else it was.
Tipped our cab with a photo booth pic of us, a paper dollar, a dollar in quarters, a crest white strip. And a tanning pass valid in boston
please tell me why my pillow is wearing your thong...
...i wondered where i left that...
No talking tonight. Just drinking and puking up memories
I asked her politely not to touch my dick
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2 things: 1) can you get hep from toilet water? And 2) do you know where we can get a new skillet for cheap?
Please tell me those aren't related.
I made rice.
My roommate just caught me cleaning a tostitos queso jar with my hand and eating it. He didn't judge. Bonding moment.
I got into the shower with my underwear on. I just sat down in the tub and tried to figure out when I lost all control of this hangover.
Our Tuesday night drunk Irish step dancing was on point tonight.
Are you serious?! She sent a pizza instead of showing up?!
She did indeed. Papa Johns. It helped because I was super hangry. That bitch is smart!
He woke up and decided to go for a swim in the lake... At about 3am... With his dogs
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