I am a bulletproof tiger!
Haha. Nice, be careful tonight.
I'm gonna have to get my windshield replaced. Is the keg beat?
Starbucks introducing alcohol. i hear angels singing.
your all-time low pick up line was when you asked a girl "Are you rock-staring at me?"
then he pulled down his pants, and i just stared for about a minute..... i was so confused. i didnt know my cat could have a bigger penis than an 18 year old man.
His threats seemed pretty legit for a 6 year old
hey dont come home for a while, moms drunk and is telling the story of 'how she met dad at that orgy' again
I just watched nsync videos for the past half hour and you could totally tell lance bass was gay in all of them
My mom just walked in and she was like "Who ate all of the cheese?" and all I could think of was you trying to become a human taco
Did you blackout Saturday before or after we had sex in a random snow bank?
I was ok with it until you started yelling " just the tip!" I know she's you gf but don't backseat drive the three-way.
I will have you again some day my love. And our divorce will be magnificent
Okay let's look at your past accomplishments you've done hungover... Sat great score, academic decathlon, state for track. I think you are solid to go out tonight
Moral of the story: fuckboys never change
we need to tell them stories about when happens when we're sober so they think they know what they're in for when they're actually completely unprepared for whn happens when we get drunk
I cuddled with a man named Pickles
Randomize
