the bus pole looks like a man who feels guiltyty about something
i've come to the conclusion that there is no classy way to apply chloroseptic spray to your butthole.
I woke up at 1pm, looked in the mirror and fist pumped...I might still be drunk
They are pre-gaming a trip to congress...not sure how politically correct the group is.
Just pulled an upper-decker at a hardware store. I believe I'm winning 8-2. It's obvious you don't shit enough in public.
It's like his dick is pushing through his pants and driving him over here.
we've decided to start cutting you off when you can't figure out how to work an ipod.
You pulled down your pants, pissed in the recliner, and wiped yourself with my utility bill. I thought it was in the worlds best interest to put you to bed.
I looked up while we were having sex to see him covering my pillow pet's eyes with his free hand. I think I'm in love
Apparently he's into classy girls that wear sweaters and don't throw up on him when they go out.
Ps you missed quite a show. I was for some reason whipping my hair back and forth and head butted the tip jar. It shattered and now I have a circular bruise on my forehead. All the bartenders hit the floor to get all the quarters.
Just switched my underwear without taking my pants off don't ever be ashamed to be related to me
I mean, that's eating your cake and fucking it too.
I'm in love. Her name is Jamie. She's beautiful. She punched me in the face.
I tried to get the guy I like to “spit shake” on a sexual bet... why am I such a bro fml
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