apparently they started giving me water shots and i couldnt tell the difference
Please don't use social media to get back at me.
Stop trying to talk to my friends!!
then get some ugly ones...
I'm on a cruise to the Bahamas and this text message is gunna cost me $10 but I need you to pray on my behalf for the things I'm about to do these 2 girls and what I did last night to a 35 year old mother of 3.
It's my birthday, I plan on masturbating and boating, maybe even masturbate on the boat.
she asked me which thongs i though her boyfriend would like best. fuck the friend zone
i just won "most creative" category in the condom contest in human sexuality by licking it onto a cucumber. my feedback forms included three phone numbers, one with a Magnum XL taped to it
my roommate just showed me the scar on her forehead... that she got from a shake weight... That. just. happened.
So I hear you're taking over showing your penis responsibilities now that I'm gone?
Currently sitting in the movie theatre bathroom while she gives him a blowjob in the parking lot. Don't ever tell me I'm a bad friend.
at work, .. 47 yr old boss was in a fight. 2 BLACK EYES. I may get fired. I cant stop laughing
My roommates call me "Queen of the Skanks" I guess that means I've had a successful first month of college.
Waking up next to a guy you don't remember going home with and the first thing you say is: where is my tiara? = successful birthday
bonging vodka is the same level of "good idea" as eating machetes
I'm hungry and horny. DEADLY COMBINATION.
Randomize
