Hello rock bottom. My name is Jared. Nice to meet you.
which gay bar do you need a ride home from?
So let me get this straight. You would sleep with an uncircumcised guy whose name you didn't know, but you won't try the new shrimp taco from taco bell?
you just used a box of cheese-its to get into the bar
THEY HAVE A VOMIT TROUGH.
What?
A TROUGH FOR VOMIT.
oh great, iTunes now thinks im gay.
Hold my feet while i lean out of the window of the truck.
how you manage to cockblock me from 500 miles away still baffles me.
just to let you know its hard to talk to your father while being fingered up against a car..
From russia with love. But also with chlamydia.
S.O.S. he's talking about horses and breast feeding.
Could have had sex with an ex NFL kicker last night.
That would've been embarrassing.
Apparently I'm short enough to sit on his lap and fuck him while he is driving because the cop didn't notice.
You've discovered your super power: Your Vagina
Atleast we had sex on the couch before your ex took it from you
So... I sharted on the plane. It was hard to maintain my composure and acted offended at the same time. I hate you for not cutting me off last night.
Randomize
