Would you rather have a 10 inch but pencil thin penis or a 2 inch very fat one?
Fat, it's not about touching the bottom it's about raising hell of the sides.
Omg. Get me out of here. Someone is playing michelle branch.
Making a drinking game out of jeopardy does not mean you studied..
I guess he was telling a totally normal story about being a lifeguard and I wouldn't stop screaming "THAT'S LUDICROUS" at random intervals.
dude I just got a noise complaint from my apartment people for loud sexual activities. I'm framing this for sure
Went to the wedding reception, and he left with ALL of the brides maids phone numbers. I don't know how he does it either.
He told her hed rather go bobbing for apples in puke than have sex with her.
The cop told you to put your hands behind your back and you slurred "I'm not falling for that again"
Hangover or death. Death. I'll have a slice of death please.
He invited to drink but spelled forties wrong so no thx
He took me home and by the time I woke up after catching up on sleep I realized I accidentally put on one of his fiances socks. whoops.
I'm sitting in my car avoiding a customer. Apparently the new year hasn't affected my attitude nor work ethic
I'm eating chocolate cake while this guy snaps me from the gym. Like I cant believe i actually considered getting rid of this cake. Have fun sweating ima eat this cake 👌
the cop found his r2d2 bong and asked me if i ever smoked out of him. i'm like, no sir. he's like ahh. if i were to smoke, it'd definitely be out of some star wars character.
easily made my night.
It's only 3 AM. There's still time to get arrested today.
Randomize
