corn on the cob and anal lube are not substitutes for the real thing
I feel like you just avenged me for every guy who came in my hair
So, apparently, "i expected your penis to be bigger" isn't good pillow talk.
that's why i use the vibrator in the tanning bed. multitasking. plus then my rooms doesnt know how pathetic of a life i lead.
Did you ask me to bring you a t-shirt to class or did I just dream that?
No, I did. It's a long story.
I was tied up in bed before noon, the rest of the day can go to hell.
Very excited! Vodka will be shot, dicks will be ridden, and memories made.
True freedom is running around a sex club in former power plant in Berlin wearing a boots, a jock
So I'm dropping a fat deuce at work, and the lock on the stall door slips and the door slides open, when suddenly someone comes in. Now I have two options, I can either get up quickly and try to shut the door quickly (not easy to do with one hand) or I can just sit there and play it off like it's no big deal and I always dump at work with the door open. I chose option two, and it was as awkward as it sounds.
Just got a 15 minute lecture from a drag queen about how bisexuality doesn't exist. Cher would be so disappointed in her.
That last one reminds me of the time we smoked that foot-long joint and by the time we'd finished we were so stoned we applauded it.
Would it be creepy if I masturbated with my face in the pillow he slept on last night? Cuz I'm pretty sure that's about to happen
he just fucked me for my cheese..
Hey, what's the French word for when you meet your boyfriend's friend and you have that gut feeling that you smoked pot naked in a hot tub with him at a house party years ago?
Sorry. I was preoccupied thinking about penises
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