My bra smells like weed because there's weed in my bra
I went to the gynecologist and they said, "you're the most fun person we've ever had," and i thought, "that's exactly why i'm here!"
well after we realized that his best friend and my twin sister were hooking up it was kind of an unsopken agreement that we would too
Im tired as fuck but i cant leave him here like this i gave him the acid and i feel the responsibillity to put his mind back together its fun im an architect about to about to construct a whole new belief and moral system inside this soul. Talk about the best psychothearpy
I come back home for break and my room is full of weed either my parents really love me or they are having more fun then I am in college
I have already decided that it happened in an alternate universe since both of the people involved don't remember it and we only have the word of a sober person that it happened at all
I sat on the bathroom floor yelling "hell hath no fury!" for about 20 minutes.
It's definitely revenge time.
i just need to find someone who enjoys eating frozen waffles as much as I do. It will be perfect.
Yes. I'm realizing that sports games are good reasons to drink. I just cheer when everyone else cheers.
I have a sixth sense for large penises and lack of morals
don't judge but I think I'm gonna go fuck a dad this weekend
I've pulled 4 ticks off of me. This is the last time I suck dick in the wild.
I mean seriously, she can have his dick anytime and im over here salivating like a thirsty bitch.
My boss just texted me, clearly drunk, and said get down here pronto with a handle of rum, 50 lbs. of cold cuts, and a BB gun. This is not why I went to law school.
roommates are droppin acid, i really should stop them from staring directly at the light bulb, but their giggles are so enchanting.
Randomize
