Anal astronaut?
Wow word travels fast.
Woke up with pink eye in both my eyes. That's how the threesome went
I guess I tried to spit on a homeless man on the walk home...Out. Of.Hand.
Due to our sore throats we are now doing bong hits with cranberry juice to sooth it.
when i'm drunk i think im just gonna point at him and yell adultery is a sinnnn. youre going to helllll
You were Q-tipping mashed potatoes out of your ear.
HOW DO YOU GET TO BE A GROWN-UP AND NOT KNOW WHAT A DECADE IS!?
Last night I passed a kidney stone as I came inside her. Worst. Experience. Ever.
STOP WHATEVER YOU ARE DOING AND GO OUTSIDE RIGHT NOW. THE MOON LOOKS LIKE CATWOMAN
" my drug dealer just stopped by and did an elmo impression for my 2 year old nephew."
I feel like it is our duty to make homophobic people more afraid of us. They're never going to change, but maybe we can get to a "wrath of god" kind of worship-him-or-he'll-destroy-you-with-his-care-bear-stare type thing.
I think he has some internal "man stuff" that keeps getting in the way.
Like alcoholism and general douchbagary.
I remember turning to Jon after doing a line of coke and saying "I was a Girl Scout"
I have a dinner date combo blowjob event with Tristan tonight.
I’ll call you in a minute. Trying to book an AirBnB so I can finally bang the yummy guy from yoga
Your downward dog is going to rock his cock. I’m jealous
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