My little sister just found a condom in her bag i borrowed... Happy fourteenth birthday.
Her parents hate her and she's on like major lockdown. All her friends are in jail and she has massive pit stains. Dude... It doesn't get much worse than that.
i stapled my math hw together with an ear ring, too ghetto?
I need to remember that good judgment goes out the window after the 7th shot and the 3rd Lady GaGa song.
I was giving him a handjob and he commented that he loved my nailpolish....I'm destined to die a fag hag
His bond is $50,000..margarita Monday might get cancelled
It's okay though. My mom didn't believe that they were mine cuz they were magnums. Having a surprisingly large penis ftw
Sorry. Not doing life today. Love to. But can't.
Ah well. Drinking wouldn't be drinking without mystery bruises
Agreed.
I've replaced you with thin mints and masturbation
Best thing I ever did was get a dog. She's like a living trip alarm to warn me of visitors while I'm masturbating.
Apparently I was telling them, "I AM A STRONG INDEPENDENT WOMAN AND I DON'T NEED YOU TO HOLD MY HAIR," and I pulled my hair back and puked.
There was one thing about my NYC trip I forgot to tell you: I took a dump in Trump Tower
Do I have to cook for the potluck? Can I just bring a costco size bottle of Vodka?
I don't know what kind of bucket list you have, but having sex with a tree isn't on mine...
Randomize
