Pride was great cause we really can now appreciate how far we've come as gay people!
Doll, if you're still fucking strangers behind the WeHo Sonic while high on E then we've come as far as 2003...
NEVER shave your cleavage hair.
They threw a beer at you on stage and then you stopped the karaoke and cussed everyone in the bar out for 2 minutes
so would me posting the photos of the cock and coin jar incident be completely out of the question?
I'm going to listen to christmas music to trick my body into cooling off.
I need the number of a restaurant that delivers, has lock-picking abilities, and is okay with full frontal male nudity. Entirely too hungover to get out of bed.
Met my future wife peeing in the men's room. I stood in for the missing door on the stall. We really hit it off talking about how her butt didn't even touch the seat from all the years of squat lifting in high school.
Woke her up in the middle of the night with the smell from a fart. So proud of my colon.
im trying to look as sober as possible but i just poured orange juice and mayo into my milkshake.
Totally forgot I asked the cop for a theoretical fist bump and he still let me drive away
I tell you, MacGyver never had to put up with people shitting themselves while he worked...
Kinda awkward to hear your aunt complain about loose women when you're in town to be a stunt dick for a swingers convention. Just sayin.
I just watched someone put a diaper on a cat..I'm to high for this.
grapes are the best munchies food ever cuz like the juice explodes in my mouth and my mouth gets all relieved of dryness. and the skin of the grape is like the food. and theres so many grapes!
He was all “please don’t bail because I’m missing work for this” last night
Honey no, I need dick. I’m not going to bail
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