am i at home because theres a dig starrrrring at me and i dont know wit plus i haer sirens. run fast.
I woke up to her vacumming the grass
I finally won that bet on when the anorexic girl would pass out at the gym. You owe me 10 now
he made a joke about you fucking his daughter...i think youre golden
she's throwing a head of lettuce everywhere shouting HEADS UP and trying to get us to play catch with her. i'm scared.
Your roommate is pacing with a pen in his mouth flapping like a duck. That brownie got me fucked but not enough to understand this. Come back!
He does that
For every drunk face picture you send me, I'm gonna send a wholesome family photo.
On the way home there was a guy passed out IN the road on Colfax with his pants around his ankles, completely bare assed. If he was dressed as a speed bump, he succeeded.
Remember Christopher who always sends me pictures of his penis? Look to your right, boy in the blue.
How's my sex life is me mastubating next to her dog. that's how it's going.
I CALLED IT A FRIENDSHIP. NOT A I WANT YOUR MAN PARTS IN MY LADY PARTS-SHIP.
Fucked him in a graveyard. Need plan b.
I'm not wearing pants, but I'm wearing a tiara.
IM FILLED WITH SANDWICHES AND SELF LOATHING
If my one night stand asked me to move in with him right after does it still count as a one nighter?
Randomize
