STOP fucking him and come play in the snow with us!
dude. you ripped the mardi gras beads off the girls neck and yelled she didnt deserve them..
The fairy wings and cowboy hats were not the issue. The bag of cocaine that I held in the air as we drove in the parade might have been.
You know it was a challenge blowing out the candles. It was hard to think of a wish, while drunk, with a concussion.
I'm stuck on the dance floor between two fat people. I don't think they feel my existence. Please help.
I smell like gasoline and adventure.
well you're talking about the girl who after 4 years, several relationships and several fuck buddies, has yet to have sex in an actual bed
Stop whining I left you with whiskey
YOU LEFT ME WITH WHISKEY ALONE IN A CABIN IN THE MIDDLE OF NOWHERE I AM GOING TO DIE.
I'm sorry but you're choosing a girl that faked a pregnancy when you wouldn't return her calls over a more attractive sane girl who you begged for a chance with last week? God you're a loser.
When nipples stop being hilarious I'll stop getting them out in public.
By the way, just opened the browser on my phone for the first time today... And it was it the "images" section of "who invented ass fucking"
So thanks for that
Apparently, the Mormons have taken over airports. I was told by a befuddled looking clerk I couldn't buy a beer with breakfast before 6am.
Make sure you plan your visit for October. That's ACL festival, it's like every Bro in the country converges on Austin. My vagina wants to go hunting.
These last 48 hours have just been about deleting my most recent snap story
He found out about your side hoe and still helped you try to find a lizard that got in the house
Randomize
