we went back to her place to bone only to find her boyfriend having sex.. with MY girlfriend
the dr. explained that the first big patch is called a herald patch since it's biggest. So his name is Harold the Patch.
Wow. You named your rash.
chlamydia ends and my period begins. this isnt real life
I think the best part was when you jumped over me naked.
My sister came home, pulled two nalgene bottles of jaeger-bomb out of the fridge, changed out her 3 inch heels for 6 inch heels and left in under 3 minutes. I've never been more proud of her.
I feel a bullet train of disappointment headed in your direction.
how many dildos make it a "collection?"
We decided to keep having sex while I ordered the pizza. I wanted extra pepperoooooooooooooni.
I'm in a corner eating carrots and drinking champagne. I've hit a new kind of low.
How is that low? I love carrots.
well at least you didn't have your nipples chewed last night
Woke up pants less in the vacant apartment across the hall. It was unlocked because they were showing it to someone. When they walked in I woke up and said "this is a great place to live" and walked out
took shots off of a myriad of fake boobs last night. It was glorious.
Grabbed the cop's ass and he still arrested Heather instead. Victory is mine!!
Only you could get too drunk for taco bell. I don't know if I'm jealous or ashamed. Go to bed.
OMG OMG OMG Ive hit the penis jackpot
It seriously took everything in my power not to sleep with him
What did it come out and serenade you? Lol
It sang to me in the dark. It was magical
Randomize
