I was just tapping my foot in the bathroom at Penn Station just PRAYING for anonymous sex. You know how that goes.
I was so high I couldnt even listen to music i was terrified of the potential knowledge i would gain.
i just googled the alphabet. i couldnt remember if it was jklomnop or jklmnop.
I don't know. I woke up in the back of a cab in a drive thru line at whataburger with police lights flashing and my friend yelling" you didn't have to sell us out phil!" to the cab driver.
The plan is to make enough mistakes this weekend to hold me over until spring break
were drug buddies, doing lines off her ass is just a bonus
I'm skyping with my parents and reading Cosmo articles on giving great head. I'm on a roller coaster that only goes up, baby.
I had to make out with him. He bought me a few drinks and he was an Angels fan. As a Yankee fan that was my way of saying good game and sorry we beat the shit out of you
Dude you filled up a protein shake mixer with White Russians so you didn't have to keep coming upstairs.
THEY AREN'T MARRIED. PUT ON YOUR HOMEWRECKING PANTIES AND GET TO WORK. NO EXCUSES.
I currently need breakfast in bed, morning sex, and a bourbon and diet coke. Make this happen
I just don't wanna be that girl with no ride and no pants
So I ate half a jar of mayo because I thought it would cure a hangover. I thought wrong.
i'm 99% sure they had an orgy while i was passed out
she peed her pants, took them off, the put them back on. but she only put her legs in one hole.
Randomize
