u know ur drinking tonight lol i dont know why you try to deny it
but i dont wanna get emotional and drunk text
then give me ur phone
NEVER!!
I'm at the doctor and the male nurse (haha) asked me if I smoked, drank or did drugs, and when he said 'drugs' he looked me right in the eye and did a perfect wrist rocket.
You'll put your fingers inside me but you won't be my FB friend?
you kept yelling 'bird cage' in between songs and finally the lead singer stopped to ask if you meant 'free bird' and you said 'fuck you, i'm not gay', needless to say you were kindly escorted out
Saw a sign earlier "Domino's Lava Cakes $3.00" and I thought of you. This text brought to you by thing I don't need to know about your sex life.
We played "race the Jimmy John's driver". Order, then see if we can finish sex before the food arrives.
Chilling. The soap was talking at one point if I rememeber right...
I'm going as either a recovering alcoholic, or as a guy who came to the party straight from work. Too literal?
Tequila Tuesdays need to not carry on throughout the week. Having a sad Saturday
Nope. I've found you care about two things in life: your momma and spreading your seed.
Dick. I'll go round and break his windows. I've been watching Sons of Anarchy on Netflix.
ok give me a pep talk, I want a hotdog but I'm too stoned to go make it
I AM GETTING LAID TONIGHT YES HAPPY DAY PRAISE JESUS ALMIGHTY IN HEAVEN DEAR GOD CHRIST YES DADDY YAAASSS
Do you think you could cook pancakes while i blow you?
well, unfortunately the rug burn lasted longer than the actual relationship
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