3 st and 6 ave. One dollar pitchers. Look out world.
He ate me out. It was like watching him trying to win a pie eating contest
First guy to fuck a girl in the new tool shed. Her underwear is on the shovel hook.
The sign in front of ihop says "designated drivers get half off their order"
Just walked by a yard full of girls wearing bikinis. I did my best to stare.
I puked on myself in front of a customer. all. over. myself. thanks Saturday nights
Would it be out of line to take a picture of all the earrings, rings, hairclips, and other miscellaneous girl items that I found under my bed and post it on facebook and tag all the girls that I slept with this year so they can claim their shit and get it out of my house?
I planned on emotionally scarring him for life this weekend. DAMN YOU PERIOD!
After she asked if she could try to fit her toe ring around it, i decided to leave. Thats the life i live
Holy. Crap. I just found a hickey on my bikini line. He never got my pants off. WHO IS THIS MYSTICAL HOOKUP WIZARD?
Worrying about "What smells like cat pee?" is so much easier than worrying about "What am I doing with my life?"
Just watched my entire extended family eat salad out of the bowl i threw up in last night.
Yeah sorry about that. I got pulled into the Russian student society's end of term party. There was too much vodka and eurodance to come help you pack.
party devolved into two exes battling with Cal's tiki torches, and the lawn being set on fire kinda sorta and then we all hula'ed... hulaed?
can we fuck so we can live up to our nicknames for eachother?
Randomize
