doooooooo herrrrrrrrr
I'm out of practice. be my yoda
put your penis in her you must.
and yes, the jail cell in Citi Field does have a big Mets symbol in it
You bring the bicep workout. I'll bring the unscented gentle products. We'll both bring our penises.
Please stop using the dehumidifier for your weed.
They are currently going door-to-door asking the neighbors to donate money for Cheez-Its and gift wrap. They asked me to stay back at the house to make another pitcher of margaritas.
when we got back we had sex. but it wasnt til the morning that i figured out her leg was broken
judging from the lines on my body they wheeled me back in a shopping cart
Next time I see you, remind me to tell you how I fell through my attic door and landed on my feet in the garage on the first floor.
Yeah well tell that to drunk me. She seems to have no standards or gender preference.
You couldn't find your shoe so you introduced yourself as Cinderella for the rest of the night.
Ahh that explains the text from creepy mike saying he would be my prince charming.
Got a 72 hour restraining order. Can we meet monday? Let me know!
I had so much stripper lotion and body glitter on my glasses I had a hard time driving home.
You know you had a good time when you get the wheelchair treatment in Mexico back to your cruise.
Have you ever hotboxed under your comforter? Best. Decision. Ever.
I wanna print it out and hang it on the fridge like parents do with good report cards.
oh the joys of a picture of a negative pregnancy test
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