i know we just met, but i forget your name, and i'm wondering why my penis burns?
Annihilated within 20 minutes of arriving on Saturday, proceeded to hook up with him half a dozen times/almost have sex in the shed. Later on I text his boyfriend letting him know he's okay and that he's asleep next to me. If I could parlay this skill into a vital component of national security I'd be the Jack Bauer of homewrecking. Diner later?
My only options right now are Herpes, Gay, or Vanilla.
gin and tonic in a mug. no limes so im using canned madarin oragnes. classy or trashy?
homeless.
had to check his id this morning to remember his name.... i was wayy off
Between the two of us weve fucked every guy at this table
You passed out in my bathroom last night. I put a towel over your face so I could shit without it being gay
your drunk ass trust falled a guy double fisting bud limes and as a result your head bounced off the patio table. So that might explain the stitches on the back of your head.
I just did a drunk experiment to find out what it looks like when you turn a burner on the stove on while wearing night-vision goggles. I may be blind in my right eye now.
I think you are the only one slutty enough and evil enough for the job. Just go in and blue ball him. He broke my nose in Middle school. He deserves this.
Don't go to jail over some guy named Bunky
I just had all of the sex. All of it.
Something like, "Merry Christmas. I hope Santa shits in your mouth."?
Ik youre sleeping but fyi its 5:32am I'm sitting in the middle of the road bra less and shoeless with boxers in my hand and no ride. Shits real crazy.
No bra. No panties. Makeup from last night. At work right now. I am trash.
Randomize
