saw my dad's penis on the x-ray last night. at least his hip wasn't broken
k so who do I think I'm kidding applying to culinary school? I just fucked up a microwaveable pizza
Don't you hate it when all three people suddenly sober up in the middle of a threesome. Awwwwkward.
They had some plan b on the table between the beer and the guacamole. Yeah, it's gonna be a fun party.
this year's halloween challenge: make audrey hepburn go from classy to slutty drunk
She gave him a lap dance on the glass table. You can guess how that ended
I thought the cops would know I was on shrooms because I was 10ft tall.
You were on the drunk bus swinging around on the pole when you decided you were hungry, so you pulled half a bagel out of your pants and ate it. Everyone stared at you, dumbfounded as to where it came from, and cheered
Ok, gonna go sleep cuz my brain wants to be smart and not follow my pussy into the danger zone
I find it worrying that she bit me in bed. Then proceeded to write her name in bite marks. All without ever losing the rhythm of our fucking.
that's all we do, eat and hve sex, eat and have sex. he thinks it's bad and that we need to talk more or whatever but I'm just not seeing the problem...
Well I can't be held accountable to know every which time you slid a finger here or slid a finger there. I'm way too busy getting close to climaxing to document these things.
Naw but when she was in the bathroom I threw the condom out the window and I'm pretty sure it hit some girl
It was 6am and he went immediately for the 69. WTF?? 6am is WAY to early for acrobatics.
I think I just shit out all my problems.
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