i gave him head before the novacaine wore off...i think his penis touched my lung
if he only knew that in between each sext i was puking.
I imagine anything that isn't a dilldo attached to a jackhammer, powered by a generator won't be amazing enough for you
I totally need to blow more fat guys. His cum tasted like vanilla ice cream
he woke up with $200 in his pocket and had to buy his cell phone back from a hobo at the bus stop.
im looking at burger kings website. there isnt one anywhere close to where we were last night. i think it was sent from heaven
at what point last night did we decide it was okay to let me hitch hike to another bar?
Only I can have a panic attack in the back seat of a cop car and have them move me to the front seat.
Currently sitting in the movie theatre bathroom while she gives him a blowjob in the parking lot. Don't ever tell me I'm a bad friend.
Get this. He's a red head and he works at country oven bakery. He will forever be known as the gingerbread man.
I literally cut myself out of my pants. What is my life.
We both fell asleep mid-handjob and he continued to call it "handjob halftime".
I just realized that with the new snapchat update / emoji sticker thing I can now use easily use emojis to cover my boobs in nudes.
Yep that's the face of someone whose dick I would put in my mouth without hesitation
We were having sex and he started doing some weird swivel move. I was like wtf and he said sorry just trying to pop my knee.
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