I just puked in the mop bucket at work. I think I need to go home.
My freaking DENTIST just commented on my hickies. Through the novacaine I managed to mumble 'It was my birthday' and she smiled knowingly.
his receeding hairline makes running into him so much less awkward. almost enjoyable actualy
They are literally fucking next to the DJ Booth to a techno Remix to Pacman. She is going waka waka waka. WHY ARE YOU NOT HERE FOR THIS?!
So I just learned that my father was teaching me rules for drinking games when I was 5.
I realize now that I left my pants on that table in the downstairs bathroom at you house on Tuesday....
Just fucking put out. It'll be a good lay, promise. Stop being a prude. Damn it. A boy is trying to put his penis in you. APPRECIATE IT.
So the night ended when we tried making fireworks out of gunpowder and oregano. You can figure out how that went.
One day. I will touch his hair. I'm curious if it'll be like a soft cloud.
crossed #23 off the Slucket List!
YOU JUST MADE YOUR SLUCKET LIST THIS MORNING.
'lets look at pictures of your friend's new baby' was probably the worst post-sex idea we've ever had
if i can hear my landlord's phone ring you think be can hear my vibrator?
I'm in the ER bruh, I went skinny dipping last night and a cat fish bit my dick.
I woke up cuddling a ham. That's not a euphemism. I actually slept with an entire ham.
The neighbors ahemed the WHOLE time. Their kids are the ones that scream loud enough for me to remember my birth control. It's payback!
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