so i woke up in some guy's bed but then i realized i can atone for this tomorrow
you were almost asleep and mumbling "your penis is on my cheek"
i just walked into thanksgiving and three people in a row asked me who i was. really?
He said they were doing a skit in class apparently someone else is dressed like a horse. Ive never felt more proned to skipping class than now
I did something last night that I shouldn't have, but I don't want to tell you because you'll probably just make it your fb status...
I see you've learned your lesson.
You told me that you only walk into walls because it makes the room stop spinning.
I tried...failed..now im naked on the futon since clothes are hard.
Dinner?
YES CON MARGARITAS POR FAVOR!!!! MUCHO MARGARITAS!!!
I did not get laid last night bc my condoms were too small. I'm allowed to be dreary
I woke up this morning half naked, smelling like an ash tray, with an empty bottle of jack next to me, and now someone named Dora the anal explorer is texting me.
his first fb message to me in 3 years was "is your cock open for business?" im blocking him
Did you put candle wax on my balls last night?
When you leave ur sleepover boy on ur front porch waiting for a cab bc work
Vagina status: the swelling is going down.
my mom walked in on me eating her out, and i can never kiss my mother again.
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