He then proceeded to try to whisper up my nose...
Ok I won't set anything on fire if you wear pants all night. This is a bet we're both destined to lose.
I'm not sure if what i'm hearing downstairs is sex or not, but if it is, it sounds like there's a dog involved...i'm mildly concerned.
I found a digiorno pizza in my washing machine.
she named my penis "gigantor the baby arm"
Careful, it's a slippery slope to discovering you're bisexual...trust me.
i think the theme of this summer is "shitting in weird locations."
Eating cold pizza and drinking a beer for breakfast while standing in a hotel window naked is how I say hello September...
I can wear a rubber suit at three am and spank someone's ass until its sore and fuck them three ways from Sunday. And get up the next day and do their laundry. As long as once in awhile they rub my back without expecting anything
He said I gave him the best head he's ever had and I bowed. I BOWED.
Fine line between drunken accidental sleepover with your best friend's lab partner and gay sexathon. I did a cartwheel over that line. A CARTWHEEL THAT LANDED IN HIS LAP
My coworker's brand new computer showed up today. He's on vacation for the next week. Brian and I are installing Windows 98 on it.
It’s like a buffet of marriages! Every option is available to you!
I'm not the kind of girl that sleeps with someone else's boyfriend. But I'm getting waxed just in case I change my mind...
sometimes i just have a bad day n consider lowering my standards
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