My penis looks like a roll of pennies
Oh. Ok. I get the hint.
Like a roll of pennies where the paper got wet & then dried all wrinkly and weird...
The ticket read "Found nude in a tree"
I was thinking about him in the shower then i get out of the shower and there was a text from him
its like he has a camera inside of my shower that looks into my brain
eating mexican with the mother in law. this meal made her decide to tell us about her colon cleansing diet
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
you tried to tell me that ice cream had no calories because they were "frozen"
A 12 year old Canadian kid said I was a pussy for only buying a 28-pack. I fit in better in this country.
every Thursday i draw one of my friends names out of a hat to choose who i will drunkenly text all weekend
She face-timed me on the toilet. My dick is never going to recover from that.
We tried to make ramen in a glass bowl on the stove. They called facilities to pick the glass out of the door
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
It feels like I'm being stabbed in the uterus with a rake. That night was totally worth it though. Thanks.
Some kid just popped open a giant PBR and walked into his final...
There is a severe lack of banging on that itinerary... I'd like a revision on my desk within the hour
No matter how many miles separate us, I will always be here to get you through whiskey shots.
I've officially slept with/dated two guys that have gotten tased. What the fuck is wrong with me
Bahahaha I just turned on the fan in front of the elliptical to avoid puking//try to get some baywatch hair going and the guy next to me thanked me because he was "getting nauseas from the smell of stale sweat and tequila"
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