my hangover today makes thursday's feel like a bubble bath.
no i did not stop my best friend from eating out my sister...bros before hoes
at what point did putting a bag of doritos in the freezer seem like a really good idea?
I really super glued a paper bow tie to my body last night. I need to do less drugs.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
we did it on the golf course and he threw the condom in the pond. some poor fish is gonna choke on it
No, man, we stole the housekeeper's key and we're just going room to room raiding mini fridges. Hurry
Logan has the vodka and snickers. We're making a run for it. Room 302
That's actually a fantastic idea... The kinky sex dungeon will be vastly improved by the addition of a lightsaber
At my eighteen year old cousin's wedding. Getting hit on by a 9 year old. No one knows who he came with. I'm pretty sure he just showed up from the field behind the church. Help.
Drunk and alone at a magic show is what my life has become without you
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I might have snap chatted him. So here's what I need you to do. Find him. Abduct him. Get his phone. View the chat so he can't. Then, buy him ice cream. He deserves ice cream.
I woke up hugging my purse and I found a business card in my underwear. How?
TRY TO UNDERSTAND I HAVE MAGIC POWERS HOLY FUCKING SHIT
Yep, you're going to hell.
I take on this great possibility with a beer in one hand and the girl I'm gonna fuck later in the other
TSA found the edibles
Fuck
Oh my god he just. Swiped them for explosives and handed them back to me
God bless California
Basically, I am an endless fountain of unconvential sexual experiences and knowledge.
Randomize