I heard from multiple reliable sources that she doesn't have a gag reflex. Of course I'm going to try to go home with her.
I feel like I should limit myself to one meal prepared from a box per day
i took it, then realized you live 3 ours away. but if you start driving now, im almost positive I'll still be hard
Fucking plugged the shower with taquitos I just threw up.
People are yelling about how much they want you here.
I'm going to change, vomit up my mexican food to save the trouble later, and then come meet you. Thrilled.
I think making out with someone could be the cure to all my problems. That or more cowbell.
I mean I feel like if you explain to the emoji app company that your friend got plastered and fell to the ground and is trying to scheme her way back to normal life and get her dignity back they would understand just how necessary it is to have a fingers crossed emoji...
I'm in a dress, surrounded by Republicans, and the bartender just told me he's "out of Jack Daniels" in a very accusatory tone. Shit, is it only 8 PM?
Nothing says "Hello, Adulthood!" quite like receiving a dick photo at 11AM from a guy you haven't heard from since fifth grade.
I'm done being drunk I wish I could snap my fingers and be sober
all of these bad things happened because I didn't bring a shower beer.
You're doing screenings before you set me up again- no child sized dicks allowed.
I've never been so drunk at home. I just sat on the toilet playing with toilet paper for ten minutes, I almost made a paper crane.
If u could sum last night up in one word?
omgwtfpineapple
whole 5th of capt = waking up in the shower after 2 hours and the whole house asking why i'm STILL in a towel. and me having nothing to say
Randomize
