he literally just asked me which v neck he should wear tomorrow.
This guy in church just had a prayer request to help him get through his hangover. He is my new hero.
The dean held back my hair as I was puking after graduation. That means so much more than a diploma and a handshake.
Can you explain to me why I woke up with my hands tied to the hotel bed with the phone cord???
Went to 3 separate liquor stores today and I just made a huge tray of jello shots. This will be the Thanksgiving that puts all the others to shame.
I just got peed on. This karma circle is starting to get vicious.
My arms are hairy. And so Is my left leg. Just my left leg, the right is smooth.
It was all going fine until I had to chug that strawberita bud light. That really ended badly.
I just wish I had a snapshot of his attempted front flip off the bar. There are some things that are worth getting a life ban for, and the moment of impact with his foot and that lady's face was one of those things.
Do you think there are two dudes living in an apartment somewhere that go to the store and call it Brocery shopping?
Oh god...probably.
I told him I'd ride his broomstick if he let me call him Harry Potter and drew a lightning bolt on his forehead.
I can't tell if you're talking about my pussy or Cape Cod.
we went to go get waffles and then i sucked his dick in a parking lot. average tuesday.
I like to be the stable force in your otherwise chaotic existence.
and idk now I have nine bags of lettuce in my fridge
Randomize
