i barely touched his dick and all of a sudden he yells, "BONER!"
She told me she cured her bulemia by popping hydrocodone after she ate. that way she would be rewarded for not puking. I like the way she thinks
Ok I might come if this chair quits being so great...I'm also seeing this bush in the corner turn into a witch
Did they have a limo or was i just stoned?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He's basically like a fancy dildo that buys me dinner.
Craig, a bottle of Jamison, and I had a party on the roof last night. No idea how I got down. My injuries indicate fall...
I did what any insensitive guy would do bought her friends shots and tried to fuck them
Also, horsecock action starts in about a month. Have you prepared yourself yet?
He looked at me and just said "moist". The entire party shut down from uncomfortableness. He is an anti-party wizard.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Ran out of deodorant. Febreze on a paper towel? Kicking college's ass.
Well, if it makes you feel any better I'll be drinking tequila and doing lines on Halloween. Just like old days.
He brought me hungover chipotle knowing full well he wasn't getting a blow job. I think he may be too in love with me.
Maybe singing about how you'd bang Morgan Freeman to the tune of Single Ladies while holding champagne and a box of Cheerios wasn't the best first impression on his parents
I feel like you should store your weed in something that suits your personality. For example mines in a hollowed out disney princess book.
These random guys found me. They told me not to wander in the woods and i remember saying 'am i fucking Bambi?! I'm not gonna walk into woods!' then i threw up.
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