Literally 6000 elephants in my backyard.
well I mean we knew we had more drinkers than runners, so we had a "case race for the cure" for relay for life instead of an actual marathon. day drinking and philanthropy. can't go wrong.
Yes, that was me on the jumbo tron. No, i don't know why i was hiding.
Your mom just threw up on me. Please come home.
Between the booze, mechanical bulls, and penis's I think my body hates it when I'm single
we used the fire extinguisher you had been cuddling with to decorate the cop car while they were inside arresting everyone
Also I just learned you, Samantha, and I three-way made out at my Halloween party. News to me.
I just hit your bf in the face with a mustard bottle and the guy at the table next to us bowed down to me.
Dick. I'll go round and break his windows. I've been watching Sons of Anarchy on Netflix.
Man, I'm real high and googling what all my favorite figure skaters from childhood are doing now.
All the doctor said was why
Tonight was a total waste of a shaved vagina
I just found your "it's drinking time" note in my chem notes. Why did this never happen??
I was waiting for you to find it...I'll be over in 5
New rock bottom. Woke up at 7 am fully clothed in a bathtub full of water. I hate myself.
Almost gave myself a concussion stealing a stuffed unicorn hanging on a street sign but hey I got home safe
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