I just watched a girl at work pick her nose with 4 of her 5 fingers. So I now know what sausage biscuits taste like in vomit form.
i didnt like the question options for my yahoo account..so i made up the question and it was "favorite bathroom to shit in"
I woke up in my own vomit, a chunk of cactus in my thigh, shirtless, with jons mom poking at me with a glass of dr pepper and a talk about god....damn alcohol
i can't believe you bought a jetta. you know that's a girl car, right? if i hadn't had sex with you, i'd have no other proof you're straight.
my drunk uncle just explained that turkeys are not gentle lovers... and no context doesn't make it better.
Its like I was sleeping with a kid. His gum fell into my hair while sleeping and he just wanted to cuddle.
He was really drunk and I dared him to jump the swimming pool on his bike. Sadly he couldn't. Hey did you know a testicle can burst?
her sex was completely horrible but her weed was great. imma ask her out again
As weird as that was it was probably the best advice i've ever gotten from a tranny
I took Xanax and it did nothing to me. First sign I'm crazy and actually need it.
This reminds me of the time I was given a lap dance by a David Bowie drag king...
you look like you're about to get down on your knees and give america the business.
dude there's a blind guy on the trail using his service dog to hit on girls.
In fairness you've introduced me to a lot of people I've only met once, for like 5 seconds, while drunk
You kept pointing at me and saying I'm getting chicken parmesan and no one is going to stop me
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