Btw I've read that book you bought me...And I'm such a bitch now
But I don't think guys love me
Get the fuck buddy a birthday present or not? He def deserves one, but how do I explain the debit card charge to my husband?
Do 'mystery' cracked ribs heal any quicker than regular ones?
Fuck him for salsa, please. I heard its a good recipe.
We should invent fake asshair for you to wear so you can experience my pain for a day.
Sincerely would love to tap that, on a mountain with the wind blowing on your pubes .
So I walk in and he's teaching someone in London via Skype how to roll a blunt. I have new found respect for him.
Last night we got home from the bar and saw a fox outside and we lured it in the house with a piece of cheese. Just wanted to party with some potentially dangerous wildlife I guess.
ARE YOU SAYING THAT YOU DON'T WANT TO GO TO A PARTY AT AN ADULT STORE WHERE A BUNCH OF HOT GIRLS ARE DRINKING
Can't wait to bequeath this flannel to my grandchildren someday.
'I've been using this to pick up lesbians since before you were born!'
Somehow I've got the party rigged to where I get a foot massage every time someone wants a beer out of the fridge. Hellz yeah
Is it possible to break your brain with drugs?
In other news, last night I told somebody they made eczema look so good they should call it sexzema.
I'm sorry I peed on myself in front of your boy toy. You should tell him I'm usually not that trashy. It was nice meeting him tho..
I shaved my entire vagina for a man who had the personality of a potato and a C- orgasm. Life is a series of disappointments.
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